'See You Later'

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Well bye for now. I’ll be there in a jiffy.}

_{I’ll be there...}

_{I’ll be there...}

_{I’ll be there...}

_{Images filled my mind, reminding me of what I used to do in the past year. Yes, I don’t want to forget them all. Everything is so memorable, especially the beginning. I only wanted to erase the painful ending, which is currently showing itself virtually. I want to forget it, though as hard as I fight to throw the thought away, it is stuck in my head like glue. My eyesight began to darken and my chest began to waver. The pictures turned into a slideshow, depressing me even more. Outside, I am all acting calm and relaxed but inside, I am crying, screaming the words ‘Don’t go away... Don’t leave... Please...’ like a child.}

_{I turned my attention at the window beside me, the sound of birds’ chirping ringing in my ears. Everyone looked so cheerful... Everyone but me... I wonder how Arme is, now that I she’s free from my grasp. Is she really happy, now that I’m not ‘meddling’ her? Or, is it the exact opposite of it...? I thought we promised each other that we’ll be always together... Now, I wonder why she left me alone. We’re in a stable relationship, until one day she told me that she’s ending it... She found the one right for her, I’m not right for her... I didn’t even shouted at her or something. What could be that missing piece I haven’t shown to her? She didn’t even say a word; just turned her back against me... Not even a simple ‘see you later’...}

_{The truth is, I hated to feel happiness. When I met Arme, everything began to change. But when she ended our relationship, I began to hate happiness again. I have to bluff that I had let go of my ideal future... And what I couldn’t get back- my wish to bring everything back to normal. Reality hurts so much. No matter how painful it is, you still have to accept it, like it or not. You’ll just go end up enduring the pain of your life, living in a world of total loneliness and depression...}

_{The scar of my heart continues to expand. It is already there ever since she spoke those painful words... The minutes seem to grow longer. These past days, I noticed that it expands slowly as well as time passes by. It continues to grow longer... and longer... and longer... until the time will come that a pool of blood will pour out form the wound and will eventually turn my body into a lifeless corpse.}

_{If only I could spend my only time with you...}

_{“Damn...” I hugged my knees and rested my head on top of them, closing my eyes afterwards. Those times where she would usually act all too much of a 4-year old child and annoying me like her big brother... How I missed each and every one of them, always waiting for them to pop out of nowhere and surprise me by saying ‘You’re too emotional Lassie~!’, even though that nickname annoys me to the guts.}

_{The doorbell rang suddenly, signalling someone’s arrival. As I tried to break away from my depressing thoughts, I walked downstairs to the living room and opened the front door. A female’s bright smile met my depressed one, viridian orbs gleaming both in the sunlight and in happiness. She seemed to have taken note of my gloomy expression, as the usual cheerful features of her face turned serious all of the sudden.}

_{“You look gloomy Lass. What happened?” Lire’s voice was worried, her arms firmly gripping both of my shoulders. “When I’m talking to you earlier at the phone, you sounded calm.”}

_{The blonde girl took my arm and dragged me inside the house, pushing me to the couch. “Now talk. I want to hear everything.”}

_{Everything? You want to learn what I’m carrying in my chest right now?}

_{Seriously, there is exactly no way I’m going to tell Lire about my personal life. I don’t trust anybody too easily, especially when they consider me as their ‘best’ friend. Best nightmare is a lot more appropriate than that. And going back to the reality, I don’t want to speak, even utter the slightest sound. The only thing I wanted to be with right now is my soul, and by the word ‘soul’, I mean only me inside my room.}

_{“Everything? You want to hear? Well what if I don’t want to?” sapphire eyes glared daggers to hers.}

_{The girl raised a confused brow then gave a sigh. “Just tell everything to me. I can help you with that.” Help? What the fuck? Help a person drowning in the sea of loss and depression? What is she going to do, trying to tell me that I’ll move on to the present and forget my past, meaning I have to throw Arme out of my mind? And try to go with the flow, meaning I have to go with her as she always imagined to be? Not in her life.}

_{Even if the me who laid in the infinite memories and time of hers, I will surely disappear from her memories... “What I have in my chest is a personal matter. Only I can find a way out of it.” even if the exit is impossible to reach...}

_{“Oh come on Lassie~! You know I’m always with you! I’m sure we’ll be able to get over this!” hearing the nickname made my eye twitch in annoyance. I don’t want to hear it, especially when it comes out of the mouth of other people. It leaves me frustrated but why is it that when Arme is the one who called me that, I feel annoyed in an relieved way? If I try moving on, it also means that I’m trying to throw away my past little by little. Can’t we just go back to the way we were?}

_{I kept my mouth shut, bowing my head in silent anger. The memories are rushing back in my head, the seconds worsening my frustration, as the pictures take long to disappear like smoke.“Just go away... You don’t know what I’m trying to go through. You’ll only end up frustrated and confused the more you try to help me get over my problem.” I replied, walking upstairs to my room.}

_{The blonde just wasted her time with me. I already told her that I’m not feeling good at all, and just wanted to be alone. But she didn’t listen. She continued to bug me as if I’m her big brother. That girl’s always clinging on to me, which obviously shows her feeling of attraction towards me. Sooner or later, if she has the guts to tell me her true feelings, I’ll say sorry to her. Because my heart is not welcome for any girl out there.}

_{As I closed the door behind me, I sat down beside the nearest window, turning my attention at the golden-haired girl that walked outside the lawn of my house. Just for a simple mistake that I didn’t happen to notice, I’ll make it up to you by living in the pain of loneliness. Just please let me live gently in your memories, even the slightest of it...}

_{It would be nice if we see each other again; just say ‘hello’ to each other like we never left our places. I’ll be holding your hand, and I wish you’ll hold back mine... But until that time, I’ll be seeing you later. There isn’t any goodbye for me, because you’re always in my heart...
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